When hope re-emerges

Because, for me, it always does. A reminder to myself

a view from the rollercoaster

raw. open. exposed. come on in

#veryhumanrollercoaster #traumarecovery

When hope re-emerges.

I took this a few weeks back while in the midst of a complete triggered meltdown on a friend’s porch. I was sobbing inconsolably which is rare for me as I usually go numb as soon as the tears well up and so they dry up quickly and become a “what could have been”.

I was in distress that day and had followed my safety plan - I was at a friend’s house (not alone) and methodically doing what I needed to do, step by step and on repeat. Go me! But it was very tough going and each time I reached a version of ok, I lost my footing again.

This potted plant sat on the table beside me. Contained but dead. The pot was my Christmas gift to this friend. I had painted it lovingly for her. And placed a flower inside its hold. And now, like my spirit in that moment, the flower was shrivelled up and dead.

I picked up my phone and photographed the irony. The validation of my feelings. The bitter humour of “the universe”.

This last week has been excruciatingly hard for me and unbearable at times, quite like this day. But I am reaching the other side of it. This morning I was reflecting how my hope is re-emerging. And acknowledging to myself that it always does. Then, as I turned to scrolling through my phone to avoid these uncomfortable feelings, I came across this photo. Only today I noticed the green growth around the shrivelled. And I pondered how sometimes we need some “stuff” to shrivel away, so that new growth can find its place.

And today I noticed the colours and focused on the vibrance of the pot. And I remembered the joy I had making this for my friend. And I reflected on how much this friend has stood solidly by my side these last difficult weeks. And how much she has held me and even carried me over some very rocky ground. And I felt how much I love and care for this friend. And how much she enriches my life. And life just felt so worth living.

And life worth living and new growth around dead leaves and a vibrant pot amidst turmoil became full bodied hope.

And I feel empowered to step onto the path forward again. And I’m reminding myself that, when it gets rocky again, I know I will come back to this place eventually. I always do in some way. And each time I do, the hope feels stronger and propels me further. And I don’t have to travel it alone. I have the most precious gift of authentic friendship(s).

Despite everything, I am blessed.

When hope re-emerges

Writing and photo by Kendall

How was this Art Therapy for Self?

This was another moment of self regulation and looking to the environment / space around us for something that captured feelings I couldn’t articulate. I was in despair and had no words, just wave upon wave of unnamed agony. I was also escalating, not calming. Because I was practicing ”noticing” rather than simply giving in to the escalation, I could stay present enough to use my tools and work at regulating myself. Picking up my phone and snapping shots has become such a well oiled practice that I didn’t have to think much to turn to the tool. I started snapping shots of all I could see, looking for the image that spoke what I couldn’t say. And suddenly there it was. And, even though it was a despairing image in that moment, capturing it calmed me. It gave me a voice and I felt heard. And I could come down to a place where I could let my friend in and allow her to care for me and hold me. And, from this moment, my whole day turned. No, it didn’t suddenly get better, but I was no longer too escalated to live through it. And, in living through it as present and held, so the pain could pass and I could get back to a more sustainable ok.

This morning we needed it again. Only this time I gave it words. And so it became a new thing. And a powerful container. And self empowerment.

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How to join: please come in

Many many days we feel alone or lost or just utterly discombobulated (fave word). Other days we feel like we are awash with wisdom or insight or hope. It's a rollercoaster alright!

Probably the most vital thing for us on our journey is that we are not travelling alone. We have the world's most magnificent friends, access to amazing therapy and a whole lot of serendipity of perhaps divine intervention?

I don't know about you, but rollercoasters all alone are no fun. So let's share the ride - the more the merrier, as "they" say (who are "they" anyway? This time "they" are right).

So here's where we share openly and authentically and expose ourselves with all our bits and pieces. At first we wanted to title this section "hanging out the dirty laundry" but then we realised it wasn't dirty, it was just life.

So please, journey with us. Let's hold one another and find encouragement in togetherness as we go Doooooown and UP. Because we always do. Smile

Same as always, follow along, add your own, riff off ours.

If you're feeling brave, post your versions in our comment feed so others can be inspired too. Or upload to your own social media (be sure to use our hashtags - #veryhumanrollercoaster - so we can find each other). Either way, make sure to comment on posts by others and encourage one another as we find new voices.

The only rules are: RESPECT!

See you in there!

Leonora et al​